Black gay men. For black women it is the ultimate travesty of the sexes. And this phenomenon has left a disproportionate population of available hetero-black men. Hence, you have this current cultural desperation among black women, whom are starting to “share” straight, available black men with claws sharpened and ready to attack. What I don’t understand is the black women who insist on dragging gay, black men, kicking and screaming into nuptials in a state of denial about the man’s ultimate sexual preference. Remember that cultural “in yo’ face” revelation of the alarmingly high population of “down-low” - DL brothers, offset by the book written by gay sociologist, E. Lynn Harris?
His book lauched a study later published in the [Journal of Bisexuality] about the “Down Low” as a lifestyle predominately practiced by young, urban Black men who have sex with other men and women, yet do not identify as gay or bisexual".
In this context, “being on the Down Low” is more than just men having sex with men in secret, or a variant of homosexuality or bisexuality—it is a sexual identity that is, at least partly, defined by its “cult of masculinity” and its rejection of what is perceived as [white].
A 2003 New York Times Magazine cover story on the Down Low phenomenon explains that the black community sees “homosexuality as a white man’s perversion.” It then goes on to describe the Down Low culture as follows:
“Rejecting a gay culture they perceive as white and effeminate, many black men have settled on a new identity, with its own vocabulary and customs and its own name: Down Low. There have always been men – black and white – who have had secret sexual lives with men. But the creation of an organized, underground subculture largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight lives is a phenomenon of the last decade. … Most date or marry women and engage sexually with men they meet only in anonymous settings like bathhouses and parks or through the Internet. Many of these men are young and from the inner city, where they live in a hypermasculine thug culture. Other DL men form romantic relationships with men and may even be peripheral participants in mainstream gay culture, all unknown to their colleagues and families. Most DL men identify themselves not as gay or bisexual but first and foremost as black. To them, as to many blacks, that equates to being inherently masculine.”
That’s very dangerous. This deluded approach to defining one’s sexual orientation was blamed for the significant increase in the spread of HIV among the black, female, heterosexual population. Only later, one finds that the women remain complicit upon finding out that their spouse / significant other is on the “Down Low”. That’s not the way that I would respond to this as a woman. I’ve had first hand experience.
Without using the same trite cliche that white folks use to justify their racial neutrality: {My best friend} since first grade came out as a gay black man in college. He tried to do it high school, but received such vicious rebuttal (which I often nursed him through) that he had to change high schools before graduating. We were inseparable since the age of five.
During those times when I nursed his ego back to health after the bullying, being stuffed in his locker, I even had to rescue him from a near gang rape in the boy’s locker room after a football game. He was secretly seeing one of the football players and I was the decoy to protect him. Another player caught them fooling around in the locker room and all hell broke loose. I felt so guilty, as I was supposed to be the lookout, but I got distracted from watching them in the shower together. Terribly distracted. Then a group of guys rushed in with baseball bats. I dragged his bloody, pulped form to the ER. His ribs were cracked, he had only a bloodied towel wrapped around him because he couldn’t get to his clothes or have the time to put them on.
It almost seemed like a setup. I grabbed his clothes from one of the benches between the rows of lockers. His secret boyfriend only received a few scars from joining in on my BFF’s beat down. He told everyone at school that my BFF made a pass at him. Lies. After this, my friend had to switch schools to recover from the humiliation. From then on, he vowed strict heterosexuality and even tried to “profess” his lifelong, lovelorn desire for me to be his girl. I knew that he was confused.
He often had me accompany him on his homosexual male explorations, as a the “pretend” girlfriend. I did so out of loyalty and guilt over what I allowed to happen to him in 10th grade. He said it wasn’t my fault and that he always loved me. Via my BFF, I witnessed a lot of gay male sex as a young woman. I thought it was beautiful (though I say this reluctantly) and my gay BFF asked me to join him at times (we were just kids), but I declined the offer as I was always a late bloomer. I just watch them making love and it wasn’t that much different from what I had minimally experienced with heterosexual lovers.
I did notice that my BFF would code switch in the way he spoke and used words when he was in his element with other gay men. And he overcompensated his masculinity when immersed back into the general population of his peers. Either way, I never stopped perceiving him as 100% man. He was a beautiful man, too. I’m surprised that I never fell in love with him.
I’m glad that I’m not gay, as it is probably among one of the most painful walks a human can endure in this life. Esp. if one is simultaneously a Christian. If I were gay, not much would change for me, as I would still be bound to practice celibacy if I’m not in a covenant relationship. I don’t think God has any extra reservation of wrath for homosexuality. I think that God’s attitude towards human sexuality is sacred and He created is as an extremely powerful force. So powerful that God created a covenant relationship to protect it.
Do you know what thoroughly messed up our stellar, out-of-this-world friendship? During our senior year in high school, we both fell in love with the same guy. This guy was bi-sexual and didn’t care who knew. I think that confidence is what my BFF fell in love with. THe 3 of us were messing about getting high one evening and of course, we all ended up in the same bed. After that, I was crazy about this guy. So was my BFF. It all ended tragically. I don’t care how hedonistic one’s carnal nature is, you can really only love one person wholly at a time.
